If Alternative U.S. President and Tax Fraud Expert, Donald J. Trump gets his way and magic turns out to be real, Mueller will be gone without a trace. The leader of the dictatorial world has reached out to, not one, but two people in the form of the dynamic duo, Penn & Teller, for White House Chief of Staff.

When asked why two people for the job instead of just one like it has always been, Trump broke down and said, “Two people are always stronger than one because if one were stronger than two, we wouldn’t need two. Okay?”

Members of the press room looked at each other in silence for a few moments with their mouths open.

Larry Dice put his hand up for a question. “What does that even mean, sir?”

To which Trump replied, “exactly,” with a smirk and full puffy bags under his eyes. Dice slowly put his hand down as he was in an utter state of shock.

Later that night, we caught up with Penn in the lobby and asked him what he and his partner think of sharing the role of White House Chief of Staff.

“I’ve sat down with President shit-for-brains on four different occasions and explained to him all four times that Teller and I don’t actually possess magical powers. He…won’t…listen. He insists that the both of us could hold hands to ‘pool’ our power.”

Penn cut the conversation short as he had to attend a party but we basically got all we needed. Trump’s not going to be able to use magic to make his problems disappear.