The things that make me cringe: talk of celebrities running for president, bipartisan tickets, and conspiracy theories. That last one especially bothers me, though. Have you ever witnessed two people talking about something that never happened (outside of any religious context) with such fervor?

The people whose hearts absolutely melt over the subject of jet fuel and steel beams are no different than the ones who glean their enjoyment from talking about things that either can’t happen, won’t happen, or would be bad for the country if they did happen- like a viable unity ticket, the Rock somehow body slamming Putin, or Donald Trump becoming President in 2016. If you want to go back further, consider Ronald Reagan and trickle down theory.

I don’t know about any of you reading this (which I greatly appreciate. Thank you.), but I ask myself two important questions when it comes to every potential or declared candidate for office: what are their qualifications for the office and what are they going to do when they get there?

It seems like a fairly large amount of potential voters forget to ask those critical questions and, instead, get caught up in the warped fun house of what if. What if Oprah got in? What if the Rock announced? Wouldn’t it be swell if Biden and Mitt Romney ran on a unity ticket? What if the Moon landings were faked?…Just stop.

It’s not that I don’t think Oprah or the Rock would potentially make good presidents, I just don’t think they’re qualified for the job, nor do I think they even know what they would do if they were to get elected. And that embarrassing idea of a Biden/Romney unity ticket…

Candy, get the transcript. If political junkies remember the 2012 election, besides Dick Morris’ factor of eight nonsense, Romney, we learned, loaded businesses with debt and sold them off, leaving a significant amount of people without a job. Does Joe Biden really want to be politically associated with any of that? Do people who support Joe Biden really want that?

But aren’t these all really just conspiracy theories in a way? I mean, we have a spectrum: things that people say happened that never did and things that common sense dictates simply can’t/won’t/shouldn’t happen. Both sides of the political spectrum engage in this behavior. It’s called mental masturbation. Urban Dictionary defines this as the act of engaging in useless, yet intellectually stimulating conversation.

For example, it would be completely useless if I were the only person in the world who actually knew if 9/11 were an inside job because nobody would take my information seriously and I would be held for psychiatric evaluation, if not for questioning by the FBI. However, it would be intellectually stimulating to discuss what temperature a steel beam destabilizes.

Do I close my eyes, rock back and forth, and plug my ears while screaming stuttering Stanley over and over ever time I hear about unity this, or Oprah that, or of fake moon landings. You bet your ass I do! and you should, too!

It may be fun to engage in useless, yet intellectually stimulating conversation, but it is a complete waste of time. Celebrities, either running for president or having been president, have bad track records. Just look at trickle down economics and this third and latest government shutdown as proof.








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